I'm just really beside myself as of late. My bipolar and depression is acting up real bad and I've been engaging in behavior that I'm not particularly proud of. Have you ever done something that you knew would get you into serious trouble if anyone found out? That's the situation I'm currently in and not that I'm trying to use it as an excuse, but it's because of my bipolar. I'm just trying to control what I'm doing - I don't want to tell anyone about it if I can control it. The guilt that I'm enduring is already enough punishment. I should have stopped what I was doing after the first time and I promised myself I would, but it happened a second time today. I'm just really disappointed in myself.
My current medication for my bipolar/depression is just making me excessively sleepy and irritable, but the doctor doesn't seem to think that the medication is causing my issues. My bipolar is something fierce as of late. However, these problems didn't start until I started taking the medication and nonetheless, he wants me to double up on it. I'm not doubling up on it. I was honestly better without the medication. What I need to do is hurry up and get hired on at Walgreen's so I can get benefits and see a professional for what I'm going through. The reason I'm just seeing a general doctor is that I can't afford to go see a professional at the moment, but I think my general doctor is reaching the full capacity of his knowledge on mental health. He can't prescribe controlled substances for mental issues and he has pretty much put me on every medication short of the controlled substance class for mental issues.
I'm getting real tired of what I'm going through. I desperately need a professionals opinion. I'm tired of living this way. None of the medication I've been put on really helps. I've had a couple of medications that have made me feel stable for like the first day or two of being on them, but once the medication got into my system, I just went back to my same ol' self.
