Tuesday, September 26, 2017


Unfortunately, I received the news the other day that the disability board decided to not move me forward in the hiring process for the support worker position.  Though I'm greatly disappointed by this news, I still have the opportunity at the Walgreen's Distribution Center.  As far as I know, both my supervisors are still going to recommend me for hire.  Despite how anxious and nervous I am that I won't make it in the department they put me in, I'm going to try and go into this with a positive mind.  I try not to be negative, but there is also apart of me that wants to realistic, you know?  I struggled to make it in SPS and now they want to move me into a more difficult department that is like SPS, just harder.

All I can do is try to give it my best shot.  I mean, I really can't say for sure how it's going to work out until I try it anyway, right?

Saturday, September 23, 2017


Well even though I'm a day late, HAPPY FALL!  I have been non-stop over the course of the past week or so.  I was extremely sick last week with a cold and I'm still trying to battle it to get completely over it.  I relapsed this morning with a real stuffed up nose and sore throat...is this Autumn's way of bringing in the season?  Jeez.

Other than that, I've been waiting to get paid so I could begin watching our money for this month and meal prep which does a few things for us.

First of all, I won't have to cook all week.  Breakfast, lunch AND dinner is made for 6 whole days.  The 7th day is meal prepping day for the next 6 days, so that is our "go out to eat night".  Secondly, it helps to eliminate waste both food wise AND money wise.  I'm hoping it shows significantly in our budget this month.  We are also working on eating healthier, more balanced meals in order to get into better shape with our health.  Pretty soon, I'm going to be taking the pup for regular walks around the neighborhood and I know Jason wants to take the bike our regularly as well.

Sunday, September 17, 2017


I took a nap yesterday and woke up extremely ill.  I had a headache, stomachache, sore throat, stuffy nose - you name it, I had it.  I'm still sick, but I have to work tonight.  I'm going to try and just trudge through it because I have tomorrow night off.  I'm hoping that once I start work, I'll feel a little better.  If I feel that bad and they ask me if I want to go home, I might just do so...it all depends on how I feel and if they even ask me.  If I feel THAT bad, I might tell them if they can afford to VTO (volunteered time off) me, then I'd like to go home.

Last night was terrible.  I tossed and turned all night and was up every hour, on the hour. :(

I can't seem to get comfortable enough to sleep for any length of time today either.  I had plans of staying in bed all day, so that I would be rested up to make it through this shift tonight, but that didn't work all too well.  I was up every five minutes peeing.

I've been trying to pump Gatorade in my system.  I have cough drops but no tissues, so I'm using toilet paper instead.  I went looking for some sort of cold medicine and had to throw four bottles of it out due to it being expired and only had one left that only had a little bit left in it.  I'm managing though.  Got plenty of Gatorade, some cough drops, and Jason bought me some more cold medicine and Vicks Rub.

Money is tight, but before I laid down this morning, Jason told him he was going out and that he would be back.  I said, "Okay." and laid down.  He came home and put a Walgreen's bag next to me.  I asked him what was in it and he told me Vicks Rub and cold medicine.  I told him that we couldn't really afford that, but he was being persistent that I needed it.  How sweet is he?!

I'll be spending my Monday off in bed, sick. 

I'm also hoping to hear something back on whether or not I got that job soon - hopefully tomorrow (would be nice).  I texted my temp agency boss just a bit ago and asked her what happens if they don't recommend me for hire.  I've almost put all my hours in to get considered.  I only have two weeks left...I'm kind of freaking out now to be perfectly honest, especially with Jason being laid off for the whole month of December.  Keeping my fingers crossed! 

Along with budgeting real tight this month, I want to start meal prepping...and for a few good reasons.  For one, we will be able to eat real meals without worrying about having nothing to eat because we have too much going on to prepare meals every night.  I'd probably prepare them when I have a day off and do five days worth of meals - breakfast, lunch and dinner.  One day a week will be a "cheat night" where we can go get food out.  You still need that kind of stuff in your life.

It will keep us within a better budget instead of wasting and throwing dollars in the trash (hopefully).  It will allow us to eat healthier.  I came across a FB video that got me really excited about meal prepping.

Just some of the clips for meal preps I want to try.

I have to figure out how to accommodate Jason in the meal prep because he doesn't like most of the things that I like to eat, so this will prove to be challenging.  

I'm going to lay down for a few before work.  Hopefully I can come home early...we'll see. :(

Saturday, September 16, 2017


My mind has been all over the place as of late.

I guess let me start with the most irrelevant thing on my mind and work my way up to most relevant.

Dale.  Yes, I still think of him.  Okay, so most of you don't know the whole back story behind him and I.  When I was down and unemployed for about three years with severe anxiety and depression, this guy from the UK and I started talking on Skype regularly.  The more we got to know each other, the more we talked.  Well, two hour Skype calls turned into six hours and before we knew it, we were talking for sometimes twelve hours at a time...okay, everyday.  See, he had severe anxiety and depression like I did...he had it worse than me.  We fed off of each others company and it was becoming unhealthy.  He started to fall for me and while he knew that I was involved in a serious, long-term relationship, he still held on to the hope that him and I would eventually be together.  To say that I didn't have some sort of feelings for him would be a lie...probably more feelings than I'll ever actually let on.  I'm not proud of it.  It's probably my least proudest moment in my whole, entire life.

He was a BIG part of my life for a decent span of time and we got extremely close, but he knew all along that I would never leave Jason to be with him.  Yeah, sure, there were points in Jason and I's relationship that I wasn't happy...okay, quite a few points.  However, Jason is my forever person.  Dogs get forever homes - I have a forever person and it's Jason.  I love Jason with all my heart and soul and I would never trade him for the world...every time I think the problems in our relationship are so bad and that we should just end it, every road block in my head pops up telling me no.  Hell, we've been this far (if only ya'll knew just how far we came to get to this point), we can go the rest of the way...together.

Friday, September 8, 2017


Oi, I've been so busy lately!

Work has been so crazy as of late.  I was still trying to get hired on or maybe I still am trying to get hired on there...honestly, I'm not too sure at the minute how I feel about that place.

I did genuinely want to get hired on there, but I'm not sure how I feel at the minute.  I'm always getting very different pieces of information from different people and it seems like no one is on the same page at all.  I'm fighting to get hired in and breaking my back to try and make rate, yet I haven't even been talked to hardly about my performance and/or my status of getting hired in.  I went to the boss the other night and spoke to him about it.

Apparently, my pick rate is 92.60% and I have to be 100% or better by the time they consider whether or not to hire me in.  Now, my current pick rate is currently in the "yellow".  I was still in the yellow around the time that some people were in the red and they were sent to his office to discuss it.  I never got sent to his office to discuss the fact that I was in the yellow.  However, if it was THAT important for me to be in the green and more importantly, that he wouldn't recommend me for hire because he "doesn't want to put his reputation on the line like that", I should have been in his office too.

Just pure ridiculousness.

And honestly, if it weren't for all the machinery faults that we've been having as of late, I would be 100% or better.  If we are to be held accountable for our productivity, they should be held accountable for machinery faults that are beyond our control when our pick rate suffers because of it!

Anyway, enough of that!