IT'S BEEN AWHILE...

...since I could hold my head up high.  Sorry, I just had to - if anyone knows the band Staind, they will understand.  But seriously, it's been awhile since I've done a post.  I'm hoping in 2018 that I can do a lot more posting.  Things have just been so crazy with work, the holidays and some unnecessary drama that took place along the way.

Jason has been laid off for the past three weeks and goes back to work on the 4th of January.  We were able to manage a small Christmas.  I got some small gifts for Jason's parents and the individuals that I work with, my trainer and my supervisor.  I took Jason up to Greenville for the day the day after Christmas and we walked the park downtown and ate at his favorite Italian restaurant, Bellacinos.  We went over his parent's house for Christmas, opened presents and ate dinner.  I was so exhausted from work that I fell asleep twice.  I slept most of the time actually.

Work has been crazy.  Some of the staff are causing unnecessary drama with a whole bunch of rumors going around about me.  It's really unreal - I really thought that with the nature of the work, that this would be a very professional environment.  I'm getting extremely tired of all the drama because I don't do drama at all.  In fact, I told the supervisor that if the drama keeps up, I'm strongly thinking about putting in a transfer.  It would be a real shame as I love the individual's that I care for and my supervisor, but I'm not going to put up with this bullshit any longer.  It's just getting ridiculous now.

Then we had an individual come back home after a home visit for the holiday with a strand of virus that so far as gotten herself sick, another individual, myself and another staff member.  I've never lost so much waste out of myself in a days time.  It's was truly awful - I filled 4 grocery shopping bags full of vomit and even more than that coming from the back end.  I've lost a total of 12 pounds since 2 a.m Friday morning.  I'm just now trying to build myself back up with eating and it's still going right through me.  I haven't actually ate a solid meal since 10pm on Thursday night.

Then I'm having issues with my dad that I don't even really have the patience to go into honestly.  I'm just tired of wasting my breath, time and energy on him.  I'm tired of wasting my life away being upset and depressed because of him.  No matter what I say to that man (if you can even call him that), he either just doesn't get it or doesn't want to get it.  I really feel like he is in major denial and doesn't want to own up to a single thing he's put me through.  I'm tired of getting my hopes up with him as I've been doing that since my parents got divorced.  At this point, it's a lost hope.  I need to move on with my life.  I'm tired of staying in my feelings and it bogging down my life while everyone else stays content in their own situation.

Jason and I are planning on trying for a baby in three years time and I'm not allowing any leeway for bullshit in my life anymore.  I don't just have myself to think about anymore, but my future child.  Jason and I are going to put away as much money as we possibly can from now all the way until the next three years in preparation of having this baby.  I will do a separate post regarding our plans to have a baby because this post is filled with a lot of negativity and Jason and I's plans to have a baby shouldn't even share the same blog post such as this one that is filled with negativity. 

I'm feeling better at least, but I'm not doing anything until after Wednesday.  I'm using my two days off to sleep and get rest.  I hope you all having a wonderful and safe New Years Eve and Day.  I know I will have a safe one because I will be working... \o/

FIRST SNOW OF THE WINTER!

It's not even officially winter yet until December 21st and we have already had our first snow fall of the winter.  Personally, I'm not surprised in the slightest as we have had an unusually cold fall.  I had a feeling that we were going to see snow this year.  I mean, over the course of these past two days, it's been enough to just make an appearance and be pretty without all the mess which was nice.  Our cat's have seen many winters, but I wasn't sure if Rebel had seen snow yet, so we took him out this morning for a little bit and this was his reaction...

So as you can tell, he wasn't very impressed and wanted back in the house...haha!

But this was our pretty snow fall...

Pretty enough, but didn't stick which is fine by me.  I'm trying to get into the Christmas mood, but it's just hard for me this year as I'm going through a lot of changes and some of those changes are very difficult.  This was me trying to be festive for my ladies the other night when we took them to a Christmas party...

I tried at least...

This is my ladies Christmas tree and their decorations...

I had class yesterday for two and a half hours and then I had to work from 4pm to 12am, so it was a long day.  My human resource lady came into the class to ask me a question and I had asked her if at some point, she could go into detail with me about how the maternity leave works and such for the future, so I know how I need to prepare in the future and my instructor almost choked on her brownie because she thought I was pregnant.  Nooope, not pregnant yet...

But I have to go into work an hour early tonight because we're taking the girls to a Christmas show up in Greenville for 5:30pm.  I'm kind of nervous to drive the bus on the interstate, but I do have to start getting use to it because my job will require it sometimes.

Other than that, not much going on.  I've just been really tired as of late.

I hope you all have a safe weekend! 

BABY FEVER!

If anyone has known me from my late teenage life to now then they know how dead set I was on not having children.  I'm going to be completely honest - I had the same fear that I think crosses most women's minds which is the pain you go through during labor.  My opinion of having children was a very shallow one, but none the less, it was an opinion.  Personally, (and it might sound harsh) I thought they were money wasting, time stealing, snot nosed little demonic spawns of Satan.  I know...again, harsh.  I liked the thought of being able to do what I want, when I want.  I like my undisturbed sleep, having my money to myself other than paying bills, my free time, being able to do things and not have to worry about what to do with a child and the list goes on.

Yes, all of my reasons were pretty selfish - I'll be the first one to admit that.  But what's even more selfish is knowing you're not ready to have a child(ren) and do so because you believe that it's what's expected of you by society or that your nagging (but lovely) future mother-in-law wants you to give her grandchildren.  It's your body, your life and no one else's decision but you and your partners.  It's not a decision to make lightly even though a lot of people seem to make that decision like it's nothing and it's becoming more and more common in today's society that little to no decision is actually made when it comes to bringing a baby into this chaotic world.  

HELLO DECEMBER!

Good morning and let's give a warm welcome to December - yes, a warm welcome!  Fall has been unusually chilly, but I'm still hoping we don't have too cold of a winter.  I don't really care for being cold...or too hot.  Somewhere in the middle is where I like to be.  Unfortunately, I can't always have it my way, but thank goodness for sweaters and hot chocolate!

I know.  I've been terrible at this posting thing, but at least I can say that I've been keeping up with blogging at least monthly whereas before, I hardly even had much of a blog at all.  Hey!  I have an excuse you know - I've been adjusting to a new job and my schedule has been crazy hectic with all the training and certifications that are needed for my job.  The holidays are busy enough by themselves, aren't they?

Speaking of which, here are a couple of post Thanksgiving pictures...

Yes, I know - I ate like a pig and I'm also aware that big ol' piece of turkey fat is extremely bad.

Here were all the leftovers that Jay's parents sent home with us...

All in all, it was a pretty good Thanksgiving.  I managed to get off from work even though I was suppose to be on the schedule for it.  I'm trying to get either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day off for Christmas as I'm currently on the schedule for those two days as well as New Years Eve and New Years Day.  It would be nice to have at least one day off for the holidays to spend with family seeing as how I'm currently on the schedule for all the holidays in December.  So, I guess we'll see...

I'm feeling a little bit better with my whole chest pain situation.  I had a doctor's appointment on the 28th of last month and the doctor said that my heart and lungs look good from a structural standpoint...whatever that's suppose to mean.  So I guess everything looks pretty good is what I'm guessing.  He just wants me to take Prilosec daily for my acid reflux and there is a chance that I might have to go for a upper GI endoscopy if I'm still struggling with it in a couple of months.

I'm trying to get a lot more things in order over the next couple of months.  This month, we have to focus making it through Jay being laid off for three weeks in December.  I'm also going to work on getting this house organized to our liking.  We've been here for about 7 months and this house is a complete and utter mess - it's not like we didn't have an excuse...it's been hectic between buying the house, learning all our new bills, me changing jobs, and both getting our new cars.  However, there is no excuse anymore as things are becoming more and more routine and our schedules are starting to balance out better.  Besides, it's the end of the year - it's a good thing to get rid of all the junk hanging around and bring in the New Year on a fresh, clean start.

With that being said, I've already worked on quite a few things this year that quite honestly, I wasn't planning on working on.  I honestly didn't have much hope or expectation for this year at all, but since I'm doing so well at making positive changes, I want to keep it up.  What are five things that you want to improve in the upcoming year 2018?

Here are my 5 things...

1. Improve my relationship with Jay

2. Improve the quality of care/professionalism for my individuals at my job

3. Work on spending less and saving more

4. Work on healthier eating habits and begin exercising 

5. Get my spare room set up to gain my own personal space

Lastly, going back to December and even more so, it being winter - what do you look forward to when it comes to winter?

I look forward to wearing cute boots, comfy sweaters and scarfs, how the trees change pretty shades of burnt orange and crimson red, hot cocoa, and the sweet smell of pines and spices.  I tend to cook/bake more in the winter as well - I think it's all about those comfort foods when it comes to winter as well as making a homemade chicken noodle soup - nothing is better than that... ;)