I know I said that I would work on blogging more, but I also don't want to push writing up a post if I'm not in the mood for it either. It's been a real stressful month or so. Jason was laid off from his work for about three weeks and has been without a paycheck now for just about a whole month. We're still waiting for his unemployment checks to come in the mail and it has been super stressful to say the least. I mean, he is unemployed for the same three weeks each year, but his employer did the unemployment a lot different this year and it screwed us up along with all his co-workers.
Through it all, I had to make an eye doctor appointment because I have difficulty driving at night and driving at night is sometimes apart of my current position. $234 dollars later and I will be the new owner of some Coach brand eyeglasses that will have Blue IQ and Anti-glare added to them. However, I'm hoping to be able to successfully transfer out of the position I'm in currently due to an excessive amount of unnecessary drama that has taken place over the course of the past month and a half as well as making the decision overall based on feeling like I might be a better fit for the position in which I'm requesting to transfer to in the way of job duties as well. I just put in a transfer request today - so here's to hoping that I get it! #fingerscrossed
Another thing that I'm having a real difficult time with is that unfortunately, I'm in the process of cutting my father out of my life. How he has been treating me for years has always weighed on me quite significantly - I had a lot of mental repercussions from it and I faced a lot of obstacles transitioning into my adulthood. I dealt with and still do deal with severe anxiety and depression, PTSD and Bipolar. Just recently, I've been making a lot of changes in my life and with that, I wanted to keep on making changes and improve my life for the better. There is also the fact that even though I don't yet have a child, I'm already starting to think as if I have one.
A lot of my past has bogged my entire life down since the day I was born. I didn't have much of a childhood - I got cheated out of the most important years of my development and had to fight very hard to get to the point that I'm at in my life. By far, it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life. I knew for a long time in the back of my mind that trying to have a proper relationship with my dad was a lost hope, but I think because of the fact that he was and still is my father and the fact that we don't get a chance to have another one, I still held onto the hope that things would change despite knowing the cold, hard truth...
But now that Jason and I have made the decision to try for a baby in three years time, I don't want my future child to experience the hurt that I went through - though it won't be the same and I know I can't truly shelter my future child from experiencing hurt, it's also about doing away with the negative in my life so that I can move forward a live a more productive life and stabilize the mental issues that I have been having all of my life, especially so I can be ready to focus on that future child and the rest of my life with Jason and that future child.
Going through this process has been quite difficult on me as there are a lot of periods of me feeling guilty that I'm doing this, but when I realized everything he has put me through mentally, I realize that I shouldn't feel guilty for doing what's best for me. When I was unemployed for three years and sinking into a downward spiral of severe depression (which was the lowest point in my life and almost cost me my relationship), I had to make a decision and fast. If I kept on with the way I was living my life, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have lived to see 40 and quite honestly, I had a zero quality of life.
The biggest thing that I'm learning in my life is that I refuse to bite my tongue and not speak up when something isn't right, especially when it's affecting my life. I'm just incredibly tired of people staying content in their own situation while I suffer and beat myself up over their bullshit. I'm not doing it anymore, period.
I got really sick this past month where I lost 10 lbs - all coming out of both ends and I'm sick yet again, just not as serious. This is more of a sinus infection, not flu like symptoms, but all the same...how does one person have this much mucus? Gross. I work in the care field, which don't get me wrong - I absolutely LOVE my job, but because I have no tonsils, I literally catch everything my clients get. That's the only part of my job that inevitably sucks. Of course, I have good days and bad days with my job in general, but I wouldn't trade what I do for a job for the world.
I posted a Facebook status asking what people recommend for severe congestion and sore throat and one of my old schoolmates told me that she uses a combo of Mucinex, Theraflu and Zzzquil - I've even been pumping Gatorade and Orange juice into my system to replace Electrolytes and boost myself with lots and lots of Vitamin C. It's been three days and I still haven't been able to kick this cold. Last night, I was up almost every hour blowing my nose and tonight, it seems like I have to blow my nose every five minutes - not sure if that means the mucus is trying to break itself up or what, but it's severely annoying. I just want to lay down and get some undisturbed rest as my head feels so full and my body is achy.
I have to attend a work meeting tomorrow morning at 10 a.m that I'm not looking forward to dealing with only because it's about some drama that has taken place with this girl that apparently has it out for me for some unknown reason. In short, a lot of accusations are going around about me and I have no clue what I did to this in particular co-worker for her to make these accusations about me. At least we will get it sorted tomorrow morning, hopefully. One less thing to stress out about would do me just fine as this work related issue has been weighing heavily on my heart and just been feeling really hurt by it lately.
Also, my house is a complete and utter mess still from moving in and with being so sick lately, my night strand is a convenience monstrosity - I have all kinds of medicine, drinks, tissues boxes everywhere - not to mention a shopping bag attached to my night stand knob, so I have a place to put my used tissues in, so I don't have to get up out of bed. I'm a mess. I know. I told Jason that once we get our tax money back, I'm buying a big box of trash bags and a bunch of totes and this whole, entire house is being purged. I can't take it ANYMORE. I want to live like a normal, neat person. After a hard, long day at work...I want to be able to come home to a clean, neat house and be happy in my personal space. Everything just feels so misplaced and disorganized and it's really starting to get to me.
Anyway...I've done enough rambling for tonight. Oh! By the way, look what I finally have on my face! My glasses came in a few days early! :)
I got really sick this past month where I lost 10 lbs - all coming out of both ends and I'm sick yet again, just not as serious. This is more of a sinus infection, not flu like symptoms, but all the same...how does one person have this much mucus? Gross. I work in the care field, which don't get me wrong - I absolutely LOVE my job, but because I have no tonsils, I literally catch everything my clients get. That's the only part of my job that inevitably sucks. Of course, I have good days and bad days with my job in general, but I wouldn't trade what I do for a job for the world.
I posted a Facebook status asking what people recommend for severe congestion and sore throat and one of my old schoolmates told me that she uses a combo of Mucinex, Theraflu and Zzzquil - I've even been pumping Gatorade and Orange juice into my system to replace Electrolytes and boost myself with lots and lots of Vitamin C. It's been three days and I still haven't been able to kick this cold. Last night, I was up almost every hour blowing my nose and tonight, it seems like I have to blow my nose every five minutes - not sure if that means the mucus is trying to break itself up or what, but it's severely annoying. I just want to lay down and get some undisturbed rest as my head feels so full and my body is achy.
I have to attend a work meeting tomorrow morning at 10 a.m that I'm not looking forward to dealing with only because it's about some drama that has taken place with this girl that apparently has it out for me for some unknown reason. In short, a lot of accusations are going around about me and I have no clue what I did to this in particular co-worker for her to make these accusations about me. At least we will get it sorted tomorrow morning, hopefully. One less thing to stress out about would do me just fine as this work related issue has been weighing heavily on my heart and just been feeling really hurt by it lately.
Also, my house is a complete and utter mess still from moving in and with being so sick lately, my night strand is a convenience monstrosity - I have all kinds of medicine, drinks, tissues boxes everywhere - not to mention a shopping bag attached to my night stand knob, so I have a place to put my used tissues in, so I don't have to get up out of bed. I'm a mess. I know. I told Jason that once we get our tax money back, I'm buying a big box of trash bags and a bunch of totes and this whole, entire house is being purged. I can't take it ANYMORE. I want to live like a normal, neat person. After a hard, long day at work...I want to be able to come home to a clean, neat house and be happy in my personal space. Everything just feels so misplaced and disorganized and it's really starting to get to me.
Anyway...I've done enough rambling for tonight. Oh! By the way, look what I finally have on my face! My glasses came in a few days early! :)
Hope to do another update real soon. I feel as though this post covers a lot of stuff I've been going through lately. Feel free to leave some comments and/or love.
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